As lovers, in a loving relationship, desire the other being without possessing him/her. Love the other without invasion. -Sai Maa
Whether by personal experience or observation of those close to us, we learn a lot about the kind of relationship/partner we want and don’t want. We can read about soul mates, pheromones and hormones and how this can affect our potential in meeting the right person. We can analyze horoscopes, numerology and family lineage to try and figure out have we met Mr/Miss right and still be feeling doubtful and unsure with our partner choice.
There is a lot at play in the dynamic when we meet someone and I will attempt to offer a perspective on this – how we can recognize which chakra is predominant in our connection with someone, and what predictor of success this is.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you asked of the other person that they ought to put you first above everything? Or felt it was the other person’s job to make you happy, to meet all of your needs, to understand you and know what you want without asking?
Or have you been on the other side of this – being expected to fulfill the other person and be their total fountain of happiness?
Have you been in a relationship that what initially felt like love and an amazing connection turned out to be more about sex & infatuation?
Have you ever found yourself choosing to be with someone because the relationship offered material security and comforts?
Have you ever been in a relationship where the attraction was based on power and prestige?
These are all describing negative aspects of connection through our lower chakras. Beginning with our 1st chakra or root chakra we find connection through our primal instincts. This is characterized by strong sexual energy that is fueled by our survival instinct so the attraction will be quick and the initial honeymoon period may feel a lot like love so the couple may rush into future plans. After the honeymoon period though, the relationship may show a lot of inconsistencies and incompatibility. There can be bargaining, blackmail, or trying to change the other person into who you want them to be. If this relationship lasts it is generally because the two people have become co-dependent with each other. A lesson here may be that just because someone desires us, doesn’t mean they value us (or themselves).
Relationships founded on 2nd chakra or sacral chakra connections are characterized by their mutual desire for comfort and wealth. Nothing wrong in wanting a comfortable life, or a nice home, but this relationship will get into difficulty if attaining material success is the primary goal of the relationship. These relationships can last a lifetime if they cultivate understanding and support of each other but often the couple’s happiness often rests with the next material achievement and so is always future based – when we get ‘that’ job or house or car, then we will be happy. When this relationship sours, they can be a lot of blaming towards each other.
Our 3rd chakra or solar chakra is connected to power and our ambitions and goals. This is a step higher than the sacral chakra couple and includes acquiring beautiful things and success, but this time with an edge of prestige, status and power. Solar chakra can drive our ambition and growth in a positive way but the darker side to this can drive superiority, pride and intolerance. People connecting at the darker side of this chakra will often have in mind an idea of ‘marrying up’ the social or economic ladder and view their partner as a means to achieving fame or success. Because this type of connection can feel cold, after a while it can feel like being strangers, only the outward appearance may hold this together.
Is any of this sounding familiar? If it is then you are in a very fortunate position of being able to recognize and learn from these types of connection so that you can avoid them and instead focus on a more favourable connection through the heart chakra. People guided by an open and balanced heart chakra tend to be calm, optimistic, generous, hard-working and wish wellbeing on others. They understand the importance of honesty and take time to self-develop and learn about relationships. They want to honour themselves and their partner equally.
Partnerships formed through our heart centre have many opportunities for happiness and tend to last. Because each is interested in self development and self-growth, they easily understand each other and support the journey that the other is on. It is a relationship founded on trust and admiration and striving to bring joy to each other. The key here is an unconditional love and supporting each other to be their most authentic self.
The journey for each of us in reaching this place of relating from our heart chakra requires us to confront and heal each the energies of fear, insecurity, jealousness, possessiveness, controlling, arrogance, pride, need for power that we find in our lower chakras so that we don’t fall into the trap of relating from their darker sides. We must know and cultivate our own self worth, and self love so that we will more easily recognize when we find it in another.